We’re now moving on in our series of the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. We have already talking about the love languages Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts, so now we will be focusing on the Quality Time love language.
This week, I started my new job! And so, as you will probably be able to tell from my writing, I’m in a great mood! It has been difficult (and honestly, draining) for me to find a job since we have moved to Maryland, mostly because it is so extremely difficult to find a teaching job here, but also because I wanted to find something that would give me the flexibility to spend time with my husband.
Connor and I both share the Quality Time love language, so being together is particularly important for us. Also, as you will remember, we spent four long years in a long-distance relationship when Connor was attending West Point. Four years is a long time to go without much quality time when Quality Time is one of your primary love languages!
So, of course, now that we are together after the four year separation, we love spending as much time together as possible. That is why I feel so blessed to have been hired for a position that is in the same place where Connor works! I used to dread the day that I would be working, not because I didn’t want to work, but because I was afraid that I would never be able to spend quality time with my husband. I hated the idea that we finally had the chance to be together, but would constantly be separated by conflicting work schedules. But now I feel like I have the best deal an Army Wife can have! I mean, we ride to work together, we eat lunch together, we go home together, and no matter what I know that he is close by. That is seriously such a good feeling.
So that’s how I’ve been feeling blessed this week. But enough about my job… let’s talk Love Languages!
So, the Quality Time Love Language? Quality Timers are those who not only thrive off of spending quality time with their loved ones, they need it to feel affirmed that they are loved. The simplicity of being together is what these individuals crave.
Wanting to spend time with your loved one seems like a simple task, but with work, hobbies, technology, and social media constantly in our life, it can be hard to devote time solely to being with our loved one. But complete, distraction-less, quality time truly is what Quality Timers need to feel that they are special and loved. So, how can we do that? As with my other posts in the series, here are some of my examples from my life:
Share little activities.
Ok, Connor and I love to share little activities! We are probably the poster-couple for sharing little activities. I am talking day-to-day things that we simply love doing together. We pretty much always go to the grocery store together, we clean the dishes together, we always eat lunch and dinner together, we include each other in our interests… you name it. Honestly, it just makes these activities, and life in general, much better when we are together.
Plan dates that are primarily centered on spending quality time together.
Dates are the best way to spend quality time together! And there are so many ideas I have for dates that are centered on quality time. You could just go for a walk, go on a picnic, go to a quiet restaurant, or even plan a weekend getaway together. Anything that says “what we do isn’t important, as long as we are spending time together.”
Try to go to bed at the same time.
I know, this can be very difficult to do when life is busy, but I also think it is so important for my relationship. Every night, Connor and I go to bed at the same time. We make a point of it. That time is completely ours, without any distractions from our phones or our work. The time that we spend cuddling and falling asleep next to each other is one of the most important ways that I feel my need for quality time is met.
Make a point of sacrificing your time for them.
Sometimes, you have to drop a few activities to spend time with your loved one. But you know what? That isn’t a bad thing. Your loved one (should) mean more to you than your activities, and making them feel loved is a great way to spend your valuable time. I’ll admit, when Connor was at West Point, I felt extremely hurt when he refused to stop studying to call me. I felt like I just wasn’t as important as military history or anatomy. I needed him to actually sacrifice twenty minutes of studying to talk on the phone. And looking back, I do not think that I addressed the issue the way I should have. I know that if Connor knew what I needed, he would have taken a twenty minute study break to call me. But when he would sacrifice his time for me that was all I needed to feel loved again.
Put down the phone, turn off the tv, and actually pay attention.
We live in a world that is full of distractions. This is something we have all experienced. But letting those distractions come between you and your Quality Timer could be devastating for them. Seriously, how hard is it to put down your phone for an hour? Is your technology really more important to you than your loved one? Allowing distractions says to your loved one “sorry, I don’t have time for you, this is much more important.” While you probably don’t really mean it that way, the actual action of sacrificing your time for your loved one means the world to them.
Also, when your Quality Timer is talking, actually listen to them.
Like I said before, when you’re distracted, your Quality Timer probably won’t feel appreciated or loved. When they are trying to have a conversation with you, but you’re too busy checking Facebook or watching the game, they will feel especially unappreciated. Quality time sometimes means sacrifice, especially sacrificing distractions for as long as your loved one needs. Instead, make eye contact, do not interrupt, and actually listen to your loved one.
Appreciate what your loved one needs from you.
Your Quality Timer loves spending time with you! I honestly don’t know how that could possibly be construed as a negative (with the exception of clinginess). Your Quality Timer doesn’t need gifts, and they don’t need a constant reminder that they are special, all they need is to spend some time with you. That means that you offer them something that no one else ever can; your presence. That is pretty amazing.
When Your Loved One Is Feeling Down…
We all go through times of feeling a little down, and this is when Quality Timers may need to spend an extra amount of time with their loved one. As I mentioned before, Connor and I both speak the Quality Time love language. Below are some of our responses to the question “what can we do for each other when the other is feeling a little down”
I may need to talk, I may not need to talk, but either way, I still need you there with me.
If I do need to talk, please listen to me without making me feel like I’m a hindrance to your plans.
When it seems like I’m complaining that we never do anything together, that is probably me trying to tell you that I’m feeling neglected… there is a simple way to fix that.
I love spending time doing things that we don’t normally do, like going out to dinner, as a way to spend special time with you.
Quality Time in Military Life
Besides Physical Touch, Quality Time is probably one of the most difficult love languages to fulfill when living the military lifestyle. It is often difficult to spend time with your loved one, and impossible if they are away for months at a time. So how do we fulfill the needs of our Quality Timers in the military?
When we are able, it is so important to make time for one another. Your loved one may only have a limited amount of time that they are able to spend with you or spend talking to you, and it would mean the world to them if you sacrificed some of your time to match their hectic schedule. When you do have that time to spend together or talk, make your relationship your full priority. Limit distractions from life and from technology, and just enjoy your valuable time together.
In my next post, I will be addressing one of my lesser love languages, Acts of Service!