Over the course of the next few posts, I will be writing about Dr. Gary Chapman’s The 5 Love Languages. I find the concept of multiple love languages quite profound, so I wanted to write a series about them. If you haven’t already read my overview of the 5 Love Languages and taken the quiz to find your love language, then check out my latest post here!
Each post will focus on one of the five love languages, with some examples of how to speak to your loved one. This post, as the title obviously states, is all about the Words of Affirmation love language.
Words of Affirmation people thrive off of kind words. They need to hear (or read) kind words to feel affirmed, reassured, and loved. Words are extremely powerful to those who speak this language.
If your loved one is a Words of Affirmation person, there are many ways that you can show your love verbally. Below are some of my favorite ways to speak words of affirmation to my husband!
Tell them you love them!
I love being in love with my husband, and I want him to know that! We tell each other “I love you” multiple times throughout the day. It’s the most obvious way to reassure your loved one that they are everything to you. Tell your loved one and tell them often, because these are the words that never lose meaning.
Put a note in their lunch.
I write a note for my husband every day and put it in the lunch I make him. It’s a small reminder that he gets in the middle of a busy day, one that reminds him that I love him and am thinking of him.
Compliment the major and the minor accomplishments.
It’s easy to compliment loved ones on their major accomplishments, but it’s just as important to acknowledge the little things that they do every day. Tell him how perfect he is for you. Thank him for the little things, like taking out the trash. Compliment him on how he looks. These are all small yet important verbal reminders that you appreciate him for everything that he is.
Write cards or love letters.
You can express a lot in a card or letter! These things, full of kind words, are things that the affirmation-lover will cherish. Talk about what you love about him, reminisce about your love story, or just thank him for everything he is.
Send them texts throughout the day.
This is another small way to remind your loved one that you are thinking about them. We’re all attached to our phones anyway, so why not take a minute to send your loved one a sweet message. That affirmation can go a long way in the hearts of people who speak this love language.
Even better, call them during the day.
The conversation you have doesn’t have to be long or detailed, but a simple “I love you and want you to know I’m thinking of you” can mean the world. Even if they don’t answer, leave a voicemail. To an affirmation-lover, hearing your voice speaking words of love might just be the emotional boost they need in their day.
Try not to criticize.
Just as kind words go a long way with affirmation-lovers, so do negative words. Words are extremely powerful, especially to loved ones who speak this love language. My husband told me that when I criticize him, it makes him feel less loved because he feels that he is not living up to my expectations. Criticism actually hurts his heart. Rather than hurtfully criticize, choose your words wisely and positively encourage your loved one.
Speak well of them in front of others.
This is something that we should all do, regardless of our loved one’s language! If you don’t speak well of your loved one, how are other people going to understand how wonderful they are? For the affirmation-lovers, seeing their loved ones speaking well of them does wonders for their spirit. It isn’t an act of bragging, it’s an act of showing your affirmation-lover that you appreciate them so much, you are willing to shout it from the rooftops!
When Your Loved One Is Feeling Down…
We all go through moments where we are feeling a little down. This is the time when our affirmation-lovers need a special verbal boost. Because my husband is a Words of Affirmation guy, I asked him what things I should do and say to make him feel better when he’s a little sad. His response was:
Reassure me that I did the best I could when something didn’t go as planned.
Take my mind off of the subject by telling me how much you love me and are proud of me.
Remind me that I am loved and appreciated no matter what.
Point out my strengths, rather than my weaknesses.
Encourage me, don’t criticize or patronize me.
Words of Affirmation in Military Life
Military life can be emotional and crazy, especially when you and your loved on are separated for long periods of time. How can you reassure your Words of Affirmation loved one if you barely even have an opportunity to talk? One simple way is this: make sure you take advantage of the opportunities you do have to talk to speak kind, loving words of affirmation. If you only talk on occasion, reassure them over and over that you love them and are proud of them. Compliment their accomplishments. Don’t criticize them for things that are out of their control. Spend your valuable time showering them with the words they are needing to hear from you.
Writing letters is one of the best way to speak words of affirmation to your military loved one. Why? Because they can read them whenever they need to feel loved, and your words will be just as meaningful each time they read them. You don’t have to be in constant communication for your words to have a lasting impact on the heart of an affirmation-lover.
In my next post, I’ll be writing about speaking to the Receiving Gifts love language. I hope you’ll join me!